Hello Hatters,
This week marks six months from when Country Hubby’s crossed over from this life to the eternal. The seconds tick away the minutes, hours, days, and months. Some moments are better than others, yet I’m reminded that he knows nothing of the tempo of my days now that he’s in heaven. He was so involved in my life and I was integral to his world. It is hard to wrap my mind around his timelessness.
I’ve mentioned memory issues, confusion, and fog in prior blog posts. I’m still functional at work and at home, but not with a solid clarity that was once mine. It takes a real effort to focus. Yesterday was one of those days that I put everything into building a model in an Excel spreadsheet. During that hyper-focus, a thought popped into my mind and I tucked it away. I said to myself that I’d have to remember to talk to Country Hubby about it when I got home. What? Really? Incredible. As reality jolted me out of that tunnel vision, I was just undone. What is happening to me? I know you don’t have the answer, but I still ask the question.
I took a short walk out of my office and shared the conversation in my head with a friend of mine. I wiped away a few tears and pulled myself together because I had a deadline to meet. That event from yesterday is still fresh on my mind today. I liken my path to one that is the long journey. It’s not a stop at the gas station in preparation of the trip. It IS the trip; one I knew was coming but one for which I didn’t want. I compare it to the long game of chess as opposed to a quickie game of checkers. This grief path of mine has already mimicked a chess game that loses too many pawns, and other important pieces. Long term strategy was never my forte. While I forge on, I’ll just have to deal with my rookie moves.
As a writer who wears many hats just like you, I thought about a checkerboard today. No good at chess. A fact. To tell you the truth, I was never any good at playing checkers either…. My comfort is my faith walk because I know who holds my moves for today and my moves for tomorrow. It’s ok that I’m no match at chess or checkers. There’s no checkmate in my future because I know the King wins, and I belong to Him.
MT Penny