Hello Hatters,
I worked from home for the past few weeks and experienced some unnerving ankle deep rain in my backyard. I’m not fond of massive amounts of rain. I don’t enjoy thunder and lightning. I don’t like digging drainage areas for water to recede. I don’t like the anxiousness in my heart. Why are my reactions so intense? I grew up on the Gulf Coast where flooding was typical, until it’s in your own house. There’s nothing normal about waking up to 18 inches of water in your home. Our family was flooded out on three different occasions and as a child, it warps your sense of security in a storm. We lost so many things during those floods. I have only one book from my childhood, Mary Poppins. (Even her famous umbrella couldn’t have saved us during those storms!)
Today, it started raining again and I felt the return of the angst. Praying for peace is what I need to do. I must pray for trusting my home and my future to God. Unfortunately, in my weakness, it’s not my automatically stance when it comes to storms. Since I’ve been living on my own, this reaction to rain seems exaggerated. I know that I’m responsible for being watchful and determining my actions. I don’t remember feeling this anxious during bad weather when Country Hubby was here. He was always the leader and protector of our home. We did as he thought best. He was the one clearing out the drainage area. He was the one holding the family together. His childhood country home was located on a creek that could rise, but that house was pretty high from the creek below. I don’t think that his family was ever flooded. It didn’t matter. He just cared for me as we waited out the rain in years past.
Another thing that happened today during the rain, was that a hummingbird took refuge under my back patio. It stayed there a good while. I enjoyed watching it shake off the raindrops from its little body. I wondered if I had time to grab my phone for a picture. Then I remembered my new gadget. I bought a pair of binoculars that have the ability to hook up to a smart phone to record videos and pictures. I fumbled trying to connect the items, all the while I kept glancing up to see if the little hummingbird was still there. Just as I was focusing on the bird, an opossum came up on my back porch right by the sliding glass door. The mere size of it was startling as it was a least a foot long. I don’t particularly like that sort of animal and I surely didn’t expect to see one during the day time and NOT on my porch. Now, you would think that I could refocus my gadgets to get a picture of the rare opossum on my concrete, but NO. It was there about five seconds and then kept on searching for a refuge from the rain. It looked soaking wet.
Then I realized, when I’m afraid of storms, I probably act like that haggled and half drowned opossum, obsessed with finding shelter or security or protection. They seem like such nervous animals, just like me when the gentle rain becomes a drenching storm. As I ponder this situation, perhaps I need realize the trigger of childhood floods don’t automatically translate to the flooding of my current home. The rawness of being alone has magnified my feelings and so I need to reframe the situation and react as an adult, not a scared kid. My best weapon is my prayers and the presence of my God is my strength. The difficulty is the timing. I have to stay focused on WHO has my future, not on the location of WHERE are my garden tools (to dig a trench or clear the clutter). I need both but prayers need to come first.
I am grateful for the silly little gadgets of binoculars and phone connections that made me linger long enough to see the hummingbird and the opossum. I see signs in many things. While I’m not especially excited about comparing myself to a scared animal during my storm fright, I can celebrate the moment and give that opossum a name. I’ve decided on Gismo.
Hopefully, I’ll remember Gismo during the next storm and take my position as a prayer warrior even for myself. I hate succumbing to fear, so I’ll lean on my Lord with garden tools in hand. What a picture! As a writer who wears many hats just like you, I’m not afraid to tell you about my journeys, even if they are not pretty. I am as real as it gets. I just hope that in the telling of my story, you might recognize something that has rattled you in the past, and encourage you to stand strong in your prayers and with whatever is your “trusty garden tool of choice” at the ready.
MT Penny