Hello Hatters,
I’ve been trying to walk 5 days a week to rebuild my strength. Back injuries in June and a surgery in July left me with a longer than desired recuperation period. Lately, I’ve been enjoying the cooler morning weather so, I drive down to the neighborhood park and walk the path. The convenient thing about the park is there are many benches that help me take a break.
One morning I felt allergies flaring so I decided to walk inside at WalMart. I enjoyed looking through the pharmacy and then the Christmas decorations. After that, I walked through the crafts and sporting goods. I turned a corner and walked straight into the paint department. That was not a good path for me as it reminded me of Country Hubby’s profession. Triggers like that remind me of his work injuries and all the surgeries and the many roads to his recoveries. Our lives changed in a mighty way after his work injury in a paint store 15 years into our marriage.
I quickly bugged out of the paint area and blundered into another aisle which had fishing supplies. Not a good place for me either. Other than faith and family, my Country Hubby’s next love was fishing. That man could catch the fish. Note to self…
In WalMart, stay out of the paint aisle and the fishing areas. It’s just too hard for me, right now.
Grief is the companion that creeps along side and I think I’m managing. Then bam, I walk headfirst into it without even trying. Like at WalMart. If I’m honest, every area touches Country Hubby. The pharmacy serviced him, the craft center provided supplies for my latest art project for which he would retrieve for me while I was at work. Electronics reminds me of the 54” inch TV that he loved so much. And on and on…
Even my home holds his touches in every corner or room. For some reason, I am able to cherish these things at home better than the reminders in public places. It’s the uncertainty or the unknown of what will hit me at any given moment. Mind you, my ability to recover is much better than before, but I still get jolted every so often. Each jolt is a surprise, so I find myself with a sort of out of body experience where I need to pick myself up again. Walk myself off the ledge…. Speak scripture and pray for the tenacity to move.
Here’s what I’m discovering, I need to keep walking emotionally, not just 5 days a week but every hour of every day. I realize that as I pursue my biblical studies, the love of the Lord will carry me always. That includes the grief path. I didn’t choose it, but the Lord helps me walk it.
Even Psalms 23, tells me to keep walking while I’m in the valley. It is best accomplished with the understanding that I’m never alone. I have my wonderful God and my family and friends to walk with me. What a necessity! What a blessing!
At the age of 82, the famous comedian and pianist, Victor Borga said, “I see more than I ever saw before because I am slower now. You see more when you’re slower.”
I resonate with the slowing down. For me it’s not just that I see more, I also feel more and have more time to think.
Your triggers may not be paint cans and fishing poles but everyone has them, right? Once we see the source and process it, we have choices. For me, I want to walk on. Repeat as many times as necessary, but walk on better than the last time. Better for me may be that I understand why things hit me the way they do. That’s a win.
Blessings to you all, my friends. Thanks for hanging out with me as I put one foot in front of the other. I hope you do, too.
MT Penny
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