Healing through Sharing

Hello Hatters,

I write as one who wears many hats just like you. All of us have various roles to fulfill and relationships for which to care. Since September, I've shared my journey of life and the nuggets of rugged and delicate beauty and pain that I see and experience all around me. I look for lessons everywhere.

Part of the reason that I even have time to write stems from the loss of my mom who lived with us for a long time. She's been gone over a year now. I could have never predicted the chain of events that have occurred and for which my heart grieves. Honestly, I know that mom is with Jesus and I triumph in her lack of pain and her newness of life. She appeared to me in a dream four days ago. It was only for a few seconds. She looked my age and healthy. There was a message and I'm still processing it.

I write today as a daughter. While I am well aware that my earthly dad and I seldom see eye to eye, I want to share some of the things for which I am proud of my dad. Perhaps in this sharing, I can shake off some more grief and become more whole, day by day. I don't want to be sad today. I want to showcase some of my dad's accomplishments; I want to share a daughter's perspective.

My dad is one of those hardworking people who was born before the great depression. He worked from a very early age. An entrepreneurial spirit was alive and well inside him, probably out of necessity at first but it became second nature to him along the way. He made his own journey through the military, colleges, the aerospace program, owning different retail stores and subcontractor operations. I consider dad a rocket man because of his work on the Saturn V that helped get the first men on the moon fifty years ago last July. Dad was really at his prime though, as he went into business for himself. He learned from his mistakes and made decisions based on his gut and his experience. He did well and partially retired in his 50's.

In 1968, Paul Anka wrote the song popularized by Frank Sinatra, "My Way." That is dad or so my young mind thought at the time. He was a strict man, a strict father. Now I know that he wanted to do things better than his parents and he wanted to provide well for his family. After us kids were grown, I realize now that dad did life mostly "mom's way." The sacrifices he made for my mom were monumental. It's not that mom didn't sacrifice for dad because that was the story of her life. But this post is about dad and my view of his path.

My mom, like most women need a sense of security. For her, it was a nice home that she called a nest and dad provided beautiful nests for her as long as he could. If you knew dad well, he was not a nester; he had nomadic tendencies. Travel and adventure were core treasures for him, no doubt sparked by his love for reading. A bed and a hot plate could have sustained dad. They found balance for these differences by keeping a packed bag in their car and leaving at a moment’s notice. Even when they lived with me, I was asked to book flights and hotels for Hawaii. Two days later, they were gone for about a week. That was their last big trip. After that, compromise for the nomad and the nesting wife were small day trips to quaint town around here but nothing too exhausting. It was not an option.

This version of my dad may be naive but I own it; it is mine. Perhaps I am affected by Paul Anka in a different way. I see things "MY WAY." Is there something that needs sharing in your life? Healing may need the help of sharing in a safe place.

Hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,

MT