Hello Hatters,
I drove to an appointment this morning and received an important message along the way. I was stopped by red lights and I drove on green lights. I passed an inactive school zone as the kids are out for the summer, yet there are signs all around. Walk, don’t walk, no cell phones, stop for pedestrians, etc. Well, traffic wasn’t horrible, but when my appointment was done, I didn’t feel comfortable going left out of the parking lot: too many cars and not enough space. I turned right and did my famous U-turn into a spot that was safer. Anyone who knows me will smile as I am known to be the queen of the U-turns. Mostly, I do those turns when I am lost. I’m reminded of my old GPS gadget as it said, “recalculating.” Today, I made a careful decision and took a right to go left.
Caution has not always been my modus operandi. In my younger years, I was impatient and impetuous. Throw caution to the wind, that sort of living. Lately, I would share that my alertness has really increased. I am more conscious of my surroundings and I take less chances. I think about my decisions more than ever. I wouldn’t describe myself as fully balanced on this journey of one. I question if I will gain a steadfastness as time moves forward. Wobble, wobble seems more like my stride.
When I consider that this weekend will mark 18 months since Country Hubby exited my world, I know that there’s no time limit to this path of mourning. I know that I’m not alone, but I am. The paradox is difficult because there’s no replacement for a marriage that has turned into widowhood. It is rotten to think that my best days are behind me. It’s a terrible and sad thought. It is disconcerting. But it is how I have felt. Mostly, I push that feeling away and turn my thoughts to gratitude. It works for a while, but that sadness returns.
I’m a writer who wears many hats just like you, and today I felt a caution in my soul. If I were to continue with this thought that my best days are gone, I might sink into a pitiful state and stay there. I could engage in this stinking thinking and get lost. The remaining days of my life are not the leftovers, it is just different. I’m the one who has to choose what I bring to the days ahead.
I am very happy to write my way back to a healthier perspective. Writing is not just my hobby; it give me a chance to reflect, redirect, and correct. A U-turn is a good thing for me today and not just on crowded streets. I’m thankful for today’s drive full of sights, signals, and turns. I needed a change of perspective and the U-turn did it. I also know that my faithful God puts things in my days to lift me. I am a wife no longer, but I am a person with a mission. I want to live it well.
Do you need a U-turn?
MT Penny